Today is part five in our six-part Back-to-School series, and we’ll be focused on that time-honored tradition of organizing one’s locker. The locker is a sacred symbol of grades 6-12, and it’s common knowledge that anything worth losing is worth losing in a locker. Wait, that doesn’t sound quite right… (more…)


It’s day four of six in our back-to-school series, and this one goes out to anyone who wants the wedgies to stop and just once would like to use lunch money for, well, lunch. (more…)

Our back-to-school series moves forward with part three of six.

Every year, as predictably as death and taxes, school starts all over the country, and with both children and teachers not quite ready to get back at it, day planners get filled with easy, gimme point assignments, like having a parent sign a syllabus, bringing in a box of tissues, and the traditional covering of the textbooks, a task so pointless and mundane that many grades the world over have slipped down a peg because a student just couldn’t be bothered. Maybe you were one of those kids, and you vowed to yourself that you’d never slip from an A to an A- again because of some stupid book. Now you’ve got the chance again, but what’s this? All of a sudden, an A- doesn’t seem so bad relative to the misery of spending 5 minutes covering a book. Not this year! (more…)

Here’s part two of six in our back-to-school series.

Today’s the day you’ve been waiting all summer for, and you’re only hours away from finally making it.  Today will have more impact on your playground popularity than any other day this year.  Today is the big tryout, and that bell won’t ring soon enough.


Our back-to-school series begins with part one of six. Come back every day this week for the newest pep talk on a variety of new school year subjects.

Fear upon violent fear! Gasp! You’ve got school tomorrow!  Almost, you can hear the screeching of brakes that will sound as the bus pulls up in front of your house in the morning at 7:15 am sharp.  How could this be?  How could this have happened?  What did you do to deserve this!?!?


Joey is having problems with samples he needs for his thesis research. We can’t really tell you much more, or the government will track you down. (more…)