We’ve asked for user-submitted pep talks, and our friend Sam Jorgenson has obliged with this pep talk for those lazy mornings when nothing would be better than turning off the alarm, not brewing coffee, not walking the dog, not feeding the cat, and going back to sleep for another dream cycle. Without further ado, here is the first-ever guest pep talk.

We’ve all been there, literally, every single day.  I know it may be tough sometimes, like paying for a buffet and only eating the salad, but getting up in the morning is the first step of the day.  It’s your first step of the day.  The day may be long, it may be tough, unideal situations may befall you, but you still need to go out there.  Getting up in the morning kicking and screaming is the easy way out, but the last time I checked, men don’t do that…

Yes, son, the sun is rising.

Yes, son, the alarm is going off.

Yes, son, a new day of promise and hope forged by yesterday’s dreams has begun.

Now, time to hit the snooze…

*BITCH SLAP*

NOT FOR THIS SOLDIER!

You know who’s not going to get all cozy and cuddle up?  YOU.

This morning is your TIME TO SHINE.

This morning, you’re going to wake up and surprise that lucky lady with breakfast in bed!

This morning, you’re going to rock the sweats, tie those sneakers, and sweat from a run that will have people on the street swearing you’ve gone for an early swim!

This morning, you’re going to shave ON TIME, and I’ll be damned if you think mouthwash is the same as brushing those teeth!

Why?  Because you’re a MAN, damnit!

YOU’RE BURLY, YOU’RE A MAN, YOU’RE LIKE A BURLY GRIZZLY BEAR!

You know who is burly enough to CONQUER this morning?  THAT GUY IN THE MIRROR.

You know who isn’t?  ‘Ol Danny boy down the street isn’t.

Don’t be a Danny BOY.

The alarm that YOU set says to get up, SO GET UP!

Don’t make your shadow from yesterday shake his head in shame, make that shadow do his best Rocky impersonation!

You CONQUER. THIS. MORNING. and do YOUR best Rocky impersonation!

Buck up, son, your day has finally come!

So, think you can do better? Submit your pep talk for dragging yourself out of bed in the comment field below, or by emailing ineedapeptalk[ ]gmail[ ]com.

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