It’s late and the bar is about to close.  You’ve spent all night striking out with blonde #1 and her friend Fatty McKrispykreme.  You’re in a tough spot, and the clock is ticking.  If only you had a moment of inspiration to get out there and do what has to be done…

Yep, that’s you, staring back at you in the mirror.

Hair? Styled and in place.  Eyes, bloodshot and tired.  Complexion? Muddled by every drink you’ve had tonight.  But guess what All-Star, you’re going to make this happen.  You’re going to get it done.

That girl you’ve been oggling all night?  It’s now or never, and there’s only 15 minutes until closing time.

And guess what.  YOU CAN’T STAY HERE.

You’ve got to make your move.

You’ve got to get past her friend, and say the right thing.

You know she’s interested, but you have no idea just ‘how.’

So what if you’ve ‘had too much to drink.’

Who cares if you ‘aren’t able to drive.’

It’s not the first or last time you’ve been here.

And, by the look of it, SHE DOESN’T CARE.

So get in there!

Tell her about your awesome pad.

And guess what?  There’s a fridge full of leftovers for her


You don’t care if she’s around.

All you want is to get her home.

To your home.

The place she needs to be.

So freshen up, arrange that frohawk, and seal the deal.

There’s nothing standing in your way.

Just remember to BE SAFE, use a DD, and always check her ID.

You’ll be glad you did.

(and if it dosen’t work out, it’s your own fault for being a creepy obsessive fratdyke who can’t take a hint)