When Alex got married, he should have listened for the implied message, specifically the end of that whole “I do” sentence. There’s a lot more implied there than just the whole until-death-do-us-part thing. Because death doesn’t end love. Look at the Twilight movies if you need proof. NO! Don’t really look at them, you fool. Wait until your ass gets dragged to the theater before you even think of looking at that, and don’t you dare go by yourself. Here is the pep talk for the man whose wife insists that date night will involve a screening of insipid vampire romance.

Hey! You there! Yes You!

Listen up Bucko, it’s time to MAN UP and DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.

So your wife wants to you to go to the new Twilight movie with her? BIG DEAL. You’ve handled far dire situations and come out unscathed.
Gift Registry duty? You’re still alive!
Invitations and Thank You’s? You survived!
Putting up with the week before getting married? Done Deal.
Why? because YOU’RE A MAN.
YOU’RE THE MAN. You’re the man that made her your wife. Don’t make her question her decision to marry you. You get constant tail.
DON’T JEOPARDIZE THAT SWEET SITUATION!
In fact, studies show that going to twilight with your wife will GET YOU LAID. Twice.
Life wasn’t made for you to enjoy. It was made for you to show how much of a man you really are. Now, suck up your pride, knock down a stiff drink, and BE A MAN. Go to Twilight with your wife.
And rock that TAIL.
Pep talk results: To be determined.
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