It’s finally the weekend. A long week has past, and it’s time to sit down, crack a beer, and watch the game, right? No. It’s not. You have to go “help pick out a few things” at the mall. It’s a terrible fate many before have suffered, but it’s a bullet that YOU MUST BITE. If I Have to Go Shopping Pep Talk 1 wasn’t good enough for you, perhaps Mr. Michael Mason-D’Croz can make a more solid case for it.

So, she’s dragging you to the mall. Sure, you don’t want to go, but you have no real choice.

You have to supervise. You have no idea how much money she might spend!

No, you don’t.

“Oh, I’m bargain shopping,” she says. But you really know that’s a $125 pair of Versaci flats she’s looking at. Does Versaci even make shoes? Hell if I know. You just assume. However, you do know that you have to go, so make the best of it.

This gives you an excuse to check out other girls. There are lots of hot women at the mall, and you can make a game out of it. But most importantly, this is step one in the getting-you-laid-tonight plan. No porn and the unicycle for you tonight! If you play your cards right, you will be on that tandem bike.

Sure, your wallet will be hurting by the end of the night, but you will be oh so happy for it. Remember, it’s always an exchange of ideas — or in this case exchange of goods — that keeps a relationship going. So get out there, steel yourself against the horror of the spending spree about to happen, and focus on that end goal that is oh-so-obtainable by the end of the night!

Now get out there and make the best of this bad situation!